I had a moment yesterday while in prayer right before Mass. That sounds way more pious than it actually is, but I am attempting to get comfortable using language in public that I use with myself in private. So, anyway, I had this moment and now I am here at the keyboard to noodle it out. Let’s see what happens.
Every year I pick a word. Many people engage in this practice. I myself have been doing it on some level for quite a while. For those unfamilar, this word is a result of contemplation (usually around the new year) and represents the idea that you feel will be most beneficial in moving your goals forward, whatever they may be.
This year, my word is “Fiat.”
* I did not notice until right now that I haven’t publicly written about my journey back to my Catholic Faith except here and here, neither of which provide much context. Let’s see if I can’t timeline it without getting overly emotional and thus lost in the many offshoots of the conversation:
- I was baptized Catholic on February 2, 1977, at Sacred Heart in Waianae, HI. I spent half my kindergarten year (roughly 1981) attending a Catholic school in Downtown Savannah. And that, as they say, was that for April and the Catholic Church until roughly 2010 after a beautiful conversation with Father Joe, the priest at St. Anne Catholic Church in Richmond Hill.
- I began RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, sometimes called OCIA, Order of Christian Adults). This process usually begins in August and September and culminates during Easter with Baptism, First Reconciliation (Confession), First Communion, and Confirmation. For folks like me who have participated in any of the sacraments, we just get the rest – Catholics to not “redo” sacraments. During the Easter season of 2012, I received First Reconciliation, First Communion, and Confirmation.
- In the beginning, I was very active in the Church. I was even a catechist, teaching first and second-year confirmation to 7th and 8th graders. And then life does what life does. Things got a little in the ditch. I stopped attending Mass regularly, I got a divorce, and I got my life together.
- Sometime in 2022, I began to reunite with my faith. It was slow going for sure. I decided to completely ignore the fact that I was remarried without going through the proper Church channels. That came to a head in November 2022. After 17 months – 516 days, to be exact – 74 Masses, 2 Christmas, and 2 Easters, I was brought back into full communion with the Catholic Church with the convalidation of my marriage on April 15, 2024.
So, anywho, “Fiat.” Those 516 days were life-changing for me. I am learning what it means to lean into my faith, to trust it, to listen in prayer more than I talk, to follow instead of lead. These are not easy things for me. In this, Mary has been a major source of comfort and direction for me. I find inspiration in her posture and quiet strength.
“Fiat” is borrowed from Latin and means “let it be done.” Oxford says it this way: “Originally: the word ‘fiat’ itself, or a formula containing it, by which a competent authority gave his or her sanction to a proposed arrangement, to the performance of a request, etc. Hence: an authoritative sanction, an authorization.” There’s a lot I like about that phrasing, especially in conversation with Mary.
Mary’s Fiat can be found in Luke during the Annunciation (the conversation with the angel Gabriel where he tells her of the coming of Jesus):
- “Behold, I am the handmaiden of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” Luke 1:38 (RSV, 2nd Catholic edition).
On this topic, the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that:
- “By her complete adherence to the Father’s will, to his Son’s redemptive work, and to every prompting of the Holy Spirit, the Virgin Mary is the Church’s model of faith and charity. Thus she is a ‘preeminent and … wholly unique member of the Church’; indeed, she is the ‘exemplary realization’ (typus) of the Church. (para. 967)
- “By pronouncing her ‘fiat’ at the Annunciation and giving her consent to the Incarnation, Mary was already collaborating with the whole work her Son was to accomplish. She is mother wherever he is Savior and head of the Mystical Body.” (para 973)
- “We believe that the Holy Mother of God, the new Eve, Mother of the Church, continues in heaven to exercise her maternal role on behalf of the members of Christ (Paul VI, CPG § 15).” (para. 975)
So, 2025 is my year of fiat. Not a blanket “Year of Yes.” Rather, it is a more concerted effort to focus on my “yes” to God. Again, that sounds more pious than it is. This decision came with a full understanding that I will fail. That is a super uncomfortable place to start. However, this, as in all things, I am determined to focus on progress and not perfection.
Next, prayer before Mass on Sunday. My intention during this time is always to pray that the chaos outside of the Church will quiet while I am inside the Church so that I can fully participate in the Mass. This past week has been awash with an incredible amount of ugly. So, part of my prayer was a request for guidance to navigate all the extreme behavior resulting in so much division. The answer: “With kindness, humility, and curiosity.” Can I just say I love it when the answer is stuff I can do? Sometimes it may take a little more effort, or I miss the mark, but it is still something I am capable of.
Mass starts. If you have never been to a Catholic Mass, it follows a liturgical form, meaning that it follows a format every time; you always know (pretty much) what’s coming next. The wonderful thing about this for me is that I find comfort in structure. The challenge is that it can become rote. There are some behaviors that I don’t even think about, I just do them. One of those behaviors is a gesture during the Liturgy of the Word, where we make three small crosses – over the forehead, mouth, and heart – before the Gospel reading. I understand, on a basic level, that this is a preparatory gesture that acknowledges the preparation of my mind, mouth, and heart. This Sunday, however, while going through the motion, I heard it again, in the reverse order – curiosity, humility, kindness.
Because my hearing is going and mostly because I am easily distracted, I always sit pretty close to the front. If I am being super honest, whenever both species of Communion are offered (Body and Blood), I feel better if I am one of the first to the common cup. That’s an issue I am still working through, so don’t come at me about any of that. Anywho, I am also super nosey, so I have made a commitment to keep my eyes closed after returning to my pew while communion continues; it is not my business who is taking communion, how they are taking it, what they are wearing – none of it. Eyes closed. So, during this time, I meditated on the idea of curiosity, humility, and kindness. I came away with the understanding that fiat is what I do, and curiosity, humility, and kindness are the ways in which I should do it.
I’m still working on it.
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