TIL
I have seen that little TIL acronym a hundred times, and, for whatever reason, I still have to think about what it means. Sometimes, it takes a little longer than others, but even when I get there quickly, it takes enough time for my brain to register that it had to think about it.
“When I read your writing, I hear you saying it.”
“You put exactly what I was thinking and couldn’t say into words.”
“I appreciate the way you put emotion into words.”
I am fortunate to have people who love me enough to say nice things about my work. Because I use it as motivation to continue working, I just assume that it is true – or at least true to them, which is good enough for me. Like the TIL, it takes my brain a minute; I know what the words are, the idea, and the message they are trying to convey. Like the TIL, I still have to think about what that means.
TIATM
What sometimes happens as a small alternative to TIL – Today, I admitted to myself… You know what I am talking about – those things that I know, probably have known for a very long time, but are just too scary, inconvenient, burdensome – too something – for me to acknowledge in a real way because then I would have to assess the actionable need of those things.
Let’s try to do better…
TIATM that I unequivocally allow for passive consumption of content to qualify as growth and learning. If I watch a documentary, listen to a podcast, or read a book, as long as I get to the end or have the general gist of what is going on, I call it a win. Understand that none of this is a problem in itself. I happen to believe that there is a time and place for immersion that is probably superficial because the focus is insufficient for anything deeper. There are those times when a little bit of good is better than nothing, and it is most certainly better than choosing something negative because what does it matter anyway?
The issue occurs in the “unequivocally.” With this small addition (although I suppose there is an excellent argument that “unequivocally” is the opposite of “small”), I have subconsciously given myself permission to count as equal accomplishments, those things that can barely be registered as engagement. This results in an over-inflated feeling of accomplishment at the expense of actual growth. In other words, I am wasting time and calling it progress.
The idealist in me says this is fine – I deserve the feeling of self-satisfaction as I at least had the sense to choose good enough; there is benefit in small amounts, and honestly, what else do I really have time for anyway? Well, it is 9:30 am right now, and I have already had time to check my Facebook memories and watch about 45 minutes of random reels. So, there’s that.
The pragmatist in me says this habit needs to be broken in order to maximize my desired results. I think it is like the food I choose to put in my body – food-like products will keep me alive, feel fed, and save time. But it isn’t food, and it isn’t the highest and best source of calories. I would do better to take a bit more time eating mindfully; I would have more energy, be healthier, and have a better reserve to function throughout the day.
This is how I am going to approach the content I consume and see how that works out. I have already done the completely passive (AirPod in the ear while I am doing nearly everything else), the partially passive (taking a screenshot when the content is good with the intention of going back and taking proper notes – this never happens), and the engaged (consuming content with a pen in my hand).
I can already feel the anxiety creeping into my chest just thinking about the time adjustments this is going to take. I honestly can’t see how I am going to make this work. However, there is a small, smart voice in the back of my brain saying, “It will take more time, and you will probably do fewer things, but they will be better things.”
It is my hypothesis that this little shift will be more about balance than change. A passive method is the only option when I am in my car or doing chores. Additionally, requiring engaged behavior for all my consumption reduces content to function only, and I can feel my enjoyment getting zapped just thinking about it.
Instead, I commit to being mindful…and then see where that takes me.
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